Seminary is still wonderful. If I updated my blog more often, it would pretty much say all the time "seminary is great." There are some wonderful things I'm learning that I'd like to share with you. To summarize my elaborate post I won't publish because I don't want to be misunderstood, I have learned that training shepherds is primarily, if not completely, the Lord's work. That has been made clear to me on so many levels, and I'm grateful that I have learned my effectiveness in ministry will lean on how much I depend on the Spirit of God to work through me.
There has been a bit of a shift in my heart, and it's centered around the title question, "What is a pastor" Part of my reading assignment is to read a book called "The Minister as Shepherd" and it really challenged my thinking, and sobered my mind to the seriousness of this calling. It's so easy to get caught up in the romance of preaching, and a lot of guys like me can't wait to get out there and "preach the Word!" I am like that. But the question is, "To what end?" Without babbling on about the book, my processes of thinking, or analyzing contemporary thought, let me just say this:
I never had much interest in legacy. I really, more than anything else, just want to be faithful where ever God leads me. There are great men, who love God that are destined for greatness... my pride almost prevents me from typing this, but I don't think I'm one of them. If you were to ask me a week ago what kind of legacy I would prefer to leave if the Lord called me to be one of those men, I would naturally answer "A faithful preacher of the Word of God who was vigilant in defending the Truth." There is nothing wrong with that, and the Lord knows we need them, but if I'm going to be remembered for anything, I want to be remembered as a pastor who was committed deeply to the people God gave him, knew them well, and loved them unconditionally.
If I have a preaching ministry that blesses thousands, but I become so busy with it's upkeep that I lose time to meet with individual church families, counsel my members, and other shepherding duties, I will have failed as a pastor. I'm learning a little bit more about what it takes to be a pastor, and it is a long, unappreciated road of self-sacrifice. For those of you that know me well, self-sacrifice is not my strong suit. I am much more comfortable with counseling individuals from a comfortable distance of little to no involvement. Just a little advice now and then. If God has indeed called me to this, what a magnificent display of God's grace! If He can turn me of all people, into an individual who will sacrifice his own comforts and preferences for others, and who will patiently and individually lead these people to a richer understanding of God, and all without any congratulations and accolades! Impossible!
Jesus was a shepherd, Paul was a shepherd, and if I'm going to be a pastor, I have to love these people more than I love myself, even if they don't love me back. As one pastor put it, sheep bite... yikes.
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