You'll have to forgive me for not writing more, as you can imagine, my time is limited, and since I don't really read blogs, it's hard for me to write them. But I know that this is the best way to keep people posted on what is going on, so I'll try to be concise.
I arrived in Palmdale Friday night, and spent Saturday relaxing a bit, and finishing a few things up. Sunday I went to church, and Monday was the first day of the orientation. We were all so warmly received, and it was such a blessing to be a part of the seminary. As they spoke of the rigors of study, and how difficult it was going to be, I'm embarrassed to admit I discounted most of it. "Most of my time will be committed to studying," I thought, "I'm sure it will be tough, but I don't think I'll have too much trouble with it."
Then I read some syllabai. The level of acedemics here is far beyond anything I could have imagined. What's also true, is I'm not an acedemic. Perhaps I should have been in some respect, since I enjoy learning, but I'm not. I've taken 40 college credits, 16 of which were correspondence courses, and all were college freshman and sophmore level courses. All of my other credits were from my military training.
On top of that, I know very little about the Bible. We took a Bible Knowledge proficiency exam, and I didn't know 75% of the questions, and they were about significant Biblical events. I know enough to be dangerous, I suppose, and I certainly know the Gospel, but the gift of His Word that I claim to love so dearly... I'm lacking.
But wait, there's more! I'm a scatter brain. I'm unorganized, and can recall (or not recall) hours and hours of time I've spent with no recollection of where that time has gone. I sometimes spend more time developing ways of being organized than, well, being organzied.
Honestly, I could go on and on with reasons why this type of study is not for me, and why I should in every respect not be able to do it, but I know I will. God didn't bring out here to feel overwhelmed, to despair, to think I am somehow destined to fail. My prayer is that when I pass through the waters, and walk through the fire, I will remember not to give myself any credit.
God will give me success where He wants to give me success, and He will allow me to fail where He wants to, but it is for my good and His glory. I may be predisposed or gifted in certain areas, but "what is it that I have received did I not receive from the Lord?"
All this to say, I am far more concerned with what my attitude will be as the Lord brings me through this than I am about whether or not I'll finish. I will work hard, pray hard, do my best, love my wife, worship my God, and hope and pray my heart will not fail, and say with Jars of Clay, "If I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through, and if I fall, let me fall on the Grace that first brought me to You. "
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