Update

So many things are running through my mind, it is hard for me to organize them. It seems like new and wonderful things happen everyday, and I'm always challenged. Here is a summary in no particular order of how things have gone so far...

1. Marie and I have been nominated to be deacons at Grace Church
2. I have a new beautiful daughter named Aviyah
3. I am both Greek and Hebrew Exegesis which has been challenging.
4. I signed up for Rick Holland's preaching class
5. My heart is still at Beacon, and after a great conversation with my pastor, it makes me long for there even more.
6. I have had opportunities to serve the Lord through music, which has been a blessing
7. Jesus Christ is becoming more precious to me as I learn to serve Him.
8. Marie and I are still learning how to be married and raise two kids, but God has been so very gracious
9. We are so thankful to be here, and marvel at God's goodness towards us.
10. I've had about six cups of coffee, and will probably crash soon.


Well, it's brief, but it's an update. May God bless you all.

well well well...

A lot has happened since I started this little faith journey. I learned Biblical Hebrew and Greek, coached a junior high girls soccer team, started playing guitar for 4 and 5 year olds, learned all sorts of things about church history, started Grant Horner's bible reading plan and have actually been keeping up with it, made the wonderful switch from PC to Mac, made a ton of new friends, got a new job as an apartment complex manager, got to preach to k-9th graders (in three separate sessions) twice, will be (God willing) the proud father of a little girl in just a little while, have separated completely from the military, is seriously reconsidering some of the "values" I have always just assumed should be important, and even debated for, as long as I can remember (mostly political), am learning to love my wife more, and lead my family, am more convinced now than I ever have been that Jesus Christ is the only hope for this world... now I just need to learn to articulate that.

now I'm off to change my son's stinky diaper. It's ok, though, in 1 week we begin 3 days of intense, gladiator potty training.

The Times They Are a-Changing...

I'm not sure how long this will last, but I want to start writing again. I've been apprehensive for a couple of reasons, not the least of which being my own immaturity. I've been very dogmatic about several things in the past, and since coming out here, I've begun to see my own immaturity. I'm learning to choose the hills I die on, because there is nothing worse than feeling it is necessary to to combat your own presupposition of what someone else's position may be. I've done that many times, blinded by my own pride, and paid dearly for it. Writing has always been difficult for me not because I don't love it, I do, but because it's hard to communicate clearly sometimes.

To give everyone a brief update, I want to start by telling everyone what I am thankful for:

First and foremost, I am thankful for Jesus Christ. Jesus is so much more than I could ever understand this side of heaven. What I do understand gives me more comfort than anything else. He is my Lord, my Savior, and my friend. Everything I cannot do to justify myself before God He has done for me, and because of that, I am so very thankful. He has given me His Spirit to comfort me, enlighten His Word to me, and guide me through life, and I depend on that to keep myself from going crazy. Each day, I learn more and more to lean on His guidance and submit to what He has said in His Word. That may be difficult for some people to understand, and as someone outside of Christianity looking in, it may even seem a little cooky. I don't blame you, especially what has been done "in the name of Jesus Christ" in the past.

I am also thankful for the Word of God. Since coming out here, I have been able to study the Bible more deeply. In that process, I have been exposed to my own hypocrisy, and received fresh insight into why Jesus Christ is so precious.

I am also very thankful for TMS and GCC. I have met so many different people from all sorts of walks of life that are learning to love God. I am being challenged to love my family, manage my time, and love God unlike I have ever been before. I'm also discovering how little I know in the grand scheme of things, and how much more I have to learn about everything.

I am thankful for life, health, provision, shelter, care, etc. Since coming out here, I have had every need met in some amazing and generous ways. People do not hesitate to give. We lived with a family for free for six months, got all of our furniture donated to us for free, had dozens of meals cooked for us, and have seen God's continuous provision the entire time we've been out here.

I am also thankful for the friends God has given me out here. I have met a lot of people that encourage me, and I'm so thankful for all of them, and look forward to many years of friendship.

For the sake of Brevity, I'll end there, and say more another day.

Reflections part 1

For the sake of brevity, I'll probably use several posts to reflect on my first semester. I know it's been a while since I posted anything, but I'm doing very well. My family is out here now, so posting sort of went down the tubes.

My first semester is done, so I'm officially 12.5% done with seminary (based on the graduation requirements) and it feels good. Surprisingly, the least difficult challenge I faced was seminary itself. I had an overwhelming amount of enthusiasm that carried me through the entire semester. There were times I didn't feel like studying, but they were brief, and they minimally impacted my grade. With that said, I care very little about my grades, so I won't talk much about them. I have noticed there are two different ways to go about studying. I could either study what I know I need to know academically, or I could carefully absorb the wealth of information available on a personal level, with the hope of it impacting my life and ministry. I've chosen the latter. When I go through the curriculum, I understand that it was carefully chosen by the professors to not just be studied for a grade, but to be seen as something important for us to understand for future ministry.

The challenge of the semester is behind me, and now I face new challenges. The winterim, for example, is taught by Bruce Ware, and I have about 1000 pages to read by January 9th. I'm looking forward to many other classes, and I'm thankful God has given me such a strong interest in all of classes offered here.

With that said, there are other challenges the Lord has brought my way I'll discuss in future posts that seem to cripple me, and remind me of my own depravity, weakness, and insufficiency on an hourly basis. I'm thankful for those, because God uses them to ensure any success I experience anywhere else will not make me prideful. The other perspective I hang on to for dear life is a desire to please my Lord and King. Other people may or may not be impressed with me for any reason, but at the end of the day, I always ask myself, was God pleased with me today? The Lord is not a hard task-master, and I'm thankful my salvation is blood-bought. The perspective I fight for vehemently is the same as my Lord who said, "I only come to do the will of My Father." I can;t tell you how many times my prayer has been the same: "more Grace, Lord, please... more Grace."

So I've been thinking...

I'm very thankful for mass media. It has it's advantages and disadvantages, but in the context I'm thinking of, I'm thankful for it. I have grown tremendously as a Christian thanks to the preaching available on the radio, and on websites like desiringgod.org and gty.org. I used to drive to and from work and hear R.C. Sproul, John Piper, John Macarthur, and Allistair Begg everyday. It was men like Steve Lawson that inspired me to preach, and reading sermons by Charles Spurgeon, J.C. Ryle, D. Martin Lloyd Jones, and John Owen helped bring my mind even closer to God, and gave me a true appreciation for His Word.

I am in seminary to learn how to preach and teach God's Word. TMS is known for training expositors, and by God's grace, that's what I'll be, but it's not what I want to be known for. The simple fact is this: If people want to hear great preaching, they have a plethora of resources available to them, from the comfort of thier own homes, at anytime they wish. I haven't checked the facts, but I am convinced you could listen to four hours of solid, excellent preaching a day, and still not exhaust the wealth of exposition that exists in digital media after several years, or even several decades. If you want to hear John Piper's series on justification at 3AM, your a mouse click away. Along with that, we have more resources in printed form that has been developed over the last 2000 years of church history. These books have been written by brilliant men on just about every subject conceivable, and while I would never suggest that we have been given enough time to plumb the depths of Scripture itself, nor do I want to discourage people from continuing that tradition, I will say this...

Before anything else, we need to be shepherds. We shepherd our family first, and then our flocks. We prepare people for the work of the ministry. It reminds me of when Satan took Jesus to a high mountain, and said, "All these things I will give you, if you fall down and worship me" If anyone deserved the world, it was Jesus, but the cost was too great. Jesus choose a life of humility. He chose to be a shepherd, a good shepherd, "who lays down His life for His sheep." It seems silly when in our weakness we desire the praise of other people. It's as if we forget that we have God Himself who walks with us. God equips us, enlightens us, enables us, and empowers us to do all things for His glory. And He does it so we can pass on His legacy, not ours.

The Bliss...

...the diligence of a man is his most precious possession. -Prov 12:27


So far, so good. I begin my fourth week tomorrow. I'm starting to miss my family, but being alone has it's benefits. I don't typically do very well when I'm alone, and I know if I were completely alone, I would be going crazy, but I'm not. I'm with the Downers. One of the nicest most wonderful families on earth. They have welcomed me as a part of their family, and I never feel alone with them here because I can just walk outside the door of my room, and someone is there.

While I'm feeling sentimental, let me tell you about my church. I belong to the most wonderful church I can imagine. That church is Beacon of Hope in St Paul. I don't want to sound extra-biblical hear, but if you live anywhere near St Paul, and you don't attend this church, I'm close to considering that a sin. The church is pastored by a dear friend and mentor Steve Lonetti. I could say a lot of things about how God has used Steve and Mary in the lives of Marie and I, but I want to focus more on Beacon. Let me just say this about Steve and Mary, they have been faithful.

I'm learning a little something out here about the amazing, permeating effects of God's Word being understood clearly, and diligently applied. The power is not in a preacher, or body, or church. The power is in God's infallible, inerrant, and Living Word. The early church fathers knew this, and so does Steve and the leadership. Why don't always know what God will do, or what He plans to do, but I believe something very powerful is going to happen in St Paul through Beacon of Hope, and when it does, I can promise you no one will take any credit for it, but will use it as a testimony of the power of God's Word proclaimed in a dark place.

I know this sounds strange, and this blog is getting longer than I would like it to be, but Beacon is my home, and it should be your home. If you're a Christian, you weren't meant to sit around, soak in good teaching, go home, feed the dog, and watch TV. You're meant to do something. Don't forget to read the next verse after Ephesians 2:8,9. The local church doesn't exist to serve you, but to serve Christ. The leadership of a church exists to equip the saints for the work of the ministry (Eph 4:12) That is what Beacon is about. Equipping you to minster, getting you in the fight, and holding you accountable. If you're not interested in living the life Christ has indeed redeemed you for, than stay home. You can always rest on God's unchangeing Grace, which requires nothing of you, but instead freely lavishes on you the benefits of fellowship with the Father. But I suspect that is not you. If you are restless in your spirit, but ignorant of why, go to Beacon. Let them help you find the life God has intended you to live.

With all that said, I know I belong there, but the Lord has me here. Some believe I came out here too early, and in a separate post, I may explain why this was the best decision for me and my family, but let me point out one thing. The Christian life is a high calling, and while I have always brimmed with enthusiasm, my follow through left much to be desired. Sometimes my will couldn't keep up with what my heart wanted to do. God needed to separate me for a season to temper me in some areas, and I already see that happening. Even my absence from Marie is providential, and God has allowed me to see why this time is important. At TMS, I'm not just learning the "what" but the "how and why," which is essential in ministry. I'm also gaining a deeper love and appreciation for my shepherds and my church. Please continue to pray for me, and for Beacon of Hope, and remember to thank God for everything.

From Pentecost to Wittenburg...

Today was the orientation period for a new class called "Historical Theology," and I was more than intrigued. The class is taught by Nathan Busenitz, and is a survey of Christian history from Pentecost to the pre-Reformation period. What is so interesting to me is how so many people, including myself, claim to love history, love the church, but know little or absolutely nothing about what happened in the church for 1500 years. Oh, sure, I could spout on all day long about Luther, and Calvin, and Swingli. I could tell you about Edwards, and Whitfield, the Puritans, and Spurgeon, all the way up to today. My professor had a much better summary, but the point is this: Even if I had a thorough knowledge of Reformation history, I cannot claim to know much about church history. They are two very seperate things. While I confess that because of the printing press there is far more material available on the reformation period, it would be foolish of me to assume that a knowledge of the reformation can serve as any foundation for a thorough knowledge of church history. On the contrary, the Reformation was built on a thorough and accurate knowledge of church history. Men like Luther, Calvin, and Zwingli did not just come up with their ideas out of thin air, they developed what had been preserved by God through the age of the history of the church, and I don't think it's to bold to suggest that if we were to speak to these men, they would point us back to men they learned from, who I'm sure would point us back further to men they learned from, who I know would point us even further back to where they received their doctrine, and where does that lead us? Simple: To a seemingly insignificant Jewish carpenter who was in fact God in the flesh. His Words were the very essence and nature of Truth Itself, and what were they? (among other things...)

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My Word, and believes in Him who sent me has eternal life."

I believe there is great value in studying church history, and confess I am guilty of making the mistake of thinking that the church age started in Pentecost, and then jumped in a time machine for 1500 years, and popped out again in Germany. I look forward to studying my brothers and sisters before me who, like Luther and Calvin, understood the Words of Jesus that I shared with you above, and who, also like Luther and Calvin, have joined the cloud of witnesses that will praise His name forever.

Drinking water from a fire hydrant...

You'll have to forgive me for not writing more, as you can imagine, my time is limited, and since I don't really read blogs, it's hard for me to write them. But I know that this is the best way to keep people posted on what is going on, so I'll try to be concise.

I arrived in Palmdale Friday night, and spent Saturday relaxing a bit, and finishing a few things up. Sunday I went to church, and Monday was the first day of the orientation. We were all so warmly received, and it was such a blessing to be a part of the seminary. As they spoke of the rigors of study, and how difficult it was going to be, I'm embarrassed to admit I discounted most of it. "Most of my time will be committed to studying," I thought, "I'm sure it will be tough, but I don't think I'll have too much trouble with it."

Then I read some syllabai. The level of acedemics here is far beyond anything I could have imagined. What's also true, is I'm not an acedemic. Perhaps I should have been in some respect, since I enjoy learning, but I'm not. I've taken 40 college credits, 16 of which were correspondence courses, and all were college freshman and sophmore level courses. All of my other credits were from my military training.

On top of that, I know very little about the Bible. We took a Bible Knowledge proficiency exam, and I didn't know 75% of the questions, and they were about significant Biblical events. I know enough to be dangerous, I suppose, and I certainly know the Gospel, but the gift of His Word that I claim to love so dearly... I'm lacking.

But wait, there's more! I'm a scatter brain. I'm unorganized, and can recall (or not recall) hours and hours of time I've spent with no recollection of where that time has gone. I sometimes spend more time developing ways of being organized than, well, being organzied.

Honestly, I could go on and on with reasons why this type of study is not for me, and why I should in every respect not be able to do it, but I know I will. God didn't bring out here to feel overwhelmed, to despair, to think I am somehow destined to fail. My prayer is that when I pass through the waters, and walk through the fire, I will remember not to give myself any credit.

God will give me success where He wants to give me success, and He will allow me to fail where He wants to, but it is for my good and His glory. I may be predisposed or gifted in certain areas, but "what is it that I have received did I not receive from the Lord?"

All this to say, I am far more concerned with what my attitude will be as the Lord brings me through this than I am about whether or not I'll finish. I will work hard, pray hard, do my best, love my wife, worship my God, and hope and pray my heart will not fail, and say with Jars of Clay, "If I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through, and if I fall, let me fall on the Grace that first brought me to You. "

"So where you stayin'...?"

I get asked this question frequently, and so I'll use it as an opportunity to talk about one of themost delightful families I've ever had the privilege of being friends with. They have have exemplified Christ to us in such powerful ways that it has compelled Marie and I, especially Marie, (because I always knew I wanted to go to TMS before I met the Downers) to make the move to Los Angeles to attend seminary. They are the most delightful, humble people you would ever meet. And they give and give never expecting anything in return. I'm embarrassed to admit we haven't given them anything in return, aside from our love and gratitude. Marie and I have tried to think of gifts we could give them, so we could show our appreciation, but we haven't been able to. They opened their home to us without hardly knowing us, let us stay in the master bedroom, bought most of our food for us, let us use their car whenever we needed it, and treated us like family while we were there. We never felt uncomfortable, and they never over-did anything. We felt like a part of their family. Doug even picked us up from the airport, and dropped us off very early in the morning. They did as much as possible for us, and we were absolutely blow away when they invited us back again for the 2009 Shepherd's Conference! That week was the same treatment. And to make an already amazing week even better, Doug gave me a beautiful calf-skin Bible that I have treasured ever since. It's so nice to get such a beautiful Bible like that as a gift, because every time I open it, I am reminded of the selflessness and generousity that was shown to me and my family in Palmdale, CA, and when I read the words inside, it becomes abundantly clear to me why they are the way they are...

They would be the first people to admit there isn't anything special about them. They are quite simply the result of changed lives and hearts surrendered to an all loving, sufficient, gracious, kind and merciful God that loved them enough to save them from a deceitful and wicked heart, and put His Spirit in them to give them new hearts and new desires.

To my knowledge there was never anything real special about Marie and I that made them feel compelled to serve us in that way. Their hospitality towards us was poured out of hearts that have been transformed by God. It was (and is) truly supernatural, and I'm not sure if they'll ever read this post, but if they do, thank you so much, and I pray God will bless you even more richly than He already has. God used the Downers to make Marie excited about living in Los Angeles. They have always been such a picture of Christ to us, reflecting His Glory. Of course they are human, and they're not perfect, but they are very good examples of what lives surrendered to God and His Word look like, and they are something Marie and I aspire to be.

But, to make an already long story short. That's who I am staying with until we can find a permanent place. I talked to Cindi a couple of days ago, and she assured me that if there is anything they can do to help, to just ask. I really love those guys. Everything is pretty up in the air right now. We don't have a permanent place to stay, our house still isn't finished and ready to show for potential renters, and I leave in 11 days.

I'm still not worried. God IS faithful. We never have to worry about anything as long as we turn our eyes upon Jesus. He has made it clear to myself and Marie where we are supposed to be, so we will move forward and trust Him. He is faithful, and what gives Him the ability to be so faithful in every circumstance regardless of ourselves is His divine infinite power and absolute sovereignty. Which is why I always say with the prophet Habbakuk,

"Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crops fail, and ther fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior, the sovereign LORD is my strength."

12 more days...

A lot has happened, and a lot is going on, so we'll see how concise I can be. This is difficult for me. Let's see if I can remember everything.

My parents came over and helped us clear out a lot of the garage. The garage now looks somewhat clean, and it's wonderful. We're now working on getting all of the things out of the house and into the garage to be put in storage. There is a large load of trash in there right now that my dad is coming to get this morning. Once that is gone, it will look even cleaner.

The basement has been primed thanks to help from Seth and Laura, and Kevin and Kelsey are coming over today to hopefully help us paint it. Besides paint, trim, doors, flooring, and just about everything in the bathroom... the basement is done.

As far as getting out of the military is concerned, I ran into a few snags. I went to turn in my equipment, and found out I'm missing about $900 worth of gear. I've been hitting ebay up to get what I can, and think I may be able to get most of it for about $300. The most expensive thing I'm missing is my sleeping bag, which costs about $260. I'm hoping I can get one online for about $130. The other things are odds and ends that I either lost, or it got stolen.

This is bad news, especially considering our very tight financial situation, but God is faithful. I looked at our finances yesterday, and discovered that based on the amount of money we have, the amount I know we are for sure getting, and the projected expenses we will have, we have just enough to survive the for the first semester at TMS. I'm not sure if God will only allow us to have this now to trust Him for the next semester, or if He'll give us more for the future, but I am confident that He will survive.

One more note, someone asked me if not being able to rent out the house would keep me from going to seminary, and I said I'm not too worried about it because we could survive a couple of months without renting, and even if we couldn't find someone, we could rent it for a few hundred dollars less than our payment... but that doesn't really answer the question. The truth is, this house will not stop us from completing seminary. We will try to keep it, but if we can't, it's not the end of the world. It's just a house, and though we love it, and we are very thankful for it, we know it's still just house. I'm not sure if the Lord will allow us to keep it, but either way, we are resolved to complete seminary at TMS. Besides, there are other places to live in St. Paul. (hint hint, we are still adamant about moving back!)

So there is our update. It's been an interesting transition shifting from trusting our own resources and abilities to trusting God. The only thing I have observed is that although it seemed at times we were trusting ourselves, it was always God that was providing for us. It may not have been as obvious, but it was still God's provision.

On a spritual note, I haven't had much time to process everything quite yet. I wish all of this trusting God and watching Him work miracles to help us get everything done has led to spiritual bliss, but it hasn't always been the case. What has struck me, though has been the amazing consistency of Christ. Christ's faithfulness has not been contingent on anything. Whether I'm up or down, Christ is consistent. Clearly, Christ is leading me. He is Lord, and I am so thankful for that. As I learn to lean on Him for physical needs, He is teaching me to leanon Him for spiritual needs as well.