Jake and Marie, what were you thinking?

I contemplated writing a long explanation about why I had out here because I know a lot of people have been saying negative things to Marie about how foolish our decision was. I have made a lot of foolish decisions, and so has Marie... this was not one of them. I haven't regretted for a second this move we made, especially in light of some of the sacrifices others have made to get out here.

I was going to explain to you, in detail, how the Army works, and how the timing of any other move would have put undue stress on my family, (and trust me, Marie would concur that the stress she is under now is not as bad as it would have been if we would have chosen that route)

In case you're curious, here is a brief explanation:

The only reason I would have stayed in my job is to alleviate stress on my family, so that move would have been counter-productive. The deception I was expected to engage in or approve of is too complicated to try and explain, but suffice it to say I got out of that business at the right time for more than just that reason. Aside from the moral dilemma, The plan that was developed in June and July by my team was set to begin October 1st. In this plan, the brunt of the work for the year was set to take place in the first quarter, (Oct-Dec) During that quarter, we were expected to work 60-80 hours a week, and treat it as a deployment away from our families. If I would have stayed, I would have no choice but to work those hours thru December, and if I wasn't successful, it would have continued. Some teams are forced to sleep in their offices if they don't meet their quotas.

That was set to begin October 1st, and my last official day of Active Duty was September 30th.
I carefully analyzed my work environment before making this decision, and prayerfully considered my options. I discussed it with Marie, and she was adamantly opposed to staying in recruiting, and so was I. I knew I could tough it out if I needed to, but I didn't want to drag my family through that again. I enjoyed my time as a recruiter, but it was very hard on Marie, and if you ask her which situation she would prefer, she wouldn't hesitate to tell you this one. I'm also sure if you asked Marie, she would tell you one of things that made it so difficult was the fact that she was sacrificing her husband for the army, which may be a noble cause for some, but nobody asked her to do that, and I shouldn't expect her to.

Of course, this begs the ultimate question... Then what will you do? I had no skills I could use that would give me a comparable income, I had no degree, and a persistent calling to the ministry. What would we do for money? Should I try to finish school first? I could have used the GI Bill for 18 months, and squeaked by with a 4 yr degree, and then headed out to seminary, but this would have left me very little to use for seminary. Part of the reason we choose to come out here right away is because it was the best use of the resources we had available. We wanted to use as much of the government money as we could to get through the most important part of my training to be a pastor, and then, if God is willing, finish up my degree after seminary if I am so inclined. This has been a difficult but rewarding process. Over the last three months, I've seen God's gracious provision in countless ways, and I am so very thankful.

So in a nutshell, I hope that helps any naysayers at least understand our thought process. Much more could be said, but please understand this... This was not a decision that was made lightly, and I made the best decision for my family. In spite of the recent difficulties of getting the house rented, both Marie and I are absolutely thrilled to move on to the next chapter of our lives. God has proven Himself to be faithful, and I even though I miss Marie and Jude, and wish things would have gone more according to plan, we are still thankful for this opportunity, and wouldn't change a thing... except for maybe hiring someone else to do our bathroom. :)

I have to say thank you, to God, first and foremost, but also to the people He used to help us through this process, regardless of how they felt about it.

THANK YOU... Mom and Dad, Jay, Steve and Mary, Joe, Ian, Larry, MICHELLE!, Laura, Seth, SCOTT, Jeff and Jill, Mike and Rebecka, Uncle Jeff!!!, Dave, Kevin and Kelsey, Jesse H, and so many many others I'm sure I didn't think of. I'm sure after i post this I'll say OH YEAH! I forget them!

"The Sword and the Trowel..." (ok, so maybe just the trowel)

So today my dad and I layed the tile floor in our basement. One more step closer to the basement being done. My dad suggested we get Marie and Jude out of our house before I move, and I think that's a good idea. We'll move them into my parent's basement until they are ready to move out to CA. We're still working on how we're going to move our stuff, and we're still not sure exactly what is going to happen withour pets, but God does. I hate to use that so much it almost sounds like an excuse to do nothing, but trust me... I am a busy busy guy. I'm just not panicing. The hard part is trying to remember all the details, and make sure that I have my priorities straight, so I can be sure to accomplish all I can in the time allotted. That has been my prayer.

If Marie is living somewhere else, the house will be empty, and it will be much easier for friends and family to comb through the entire place and get it ready for renters. We're making progress, but it would be nice to have a couple of months to play with, not 8 days, but who's counting? I'm just going to continue to look forward to someday getting settlted. It may or may not be this side of heaven, but I know it will be someday.

"So where you stayin'...?"

I get asked this question frequently, and so I'll use it as an opportunity to talk about one of themost delightful families I've ever had the privilege of being friends with. They have have exemplified Christ to us in such powerful ways that it has compelled Marie and I, especially Marie, (because I always knew I wanted to go to TMS before I met the Downers) to make the move to Los Angeles to attend seminary. They are the most delightful, humble people you would ever meet. And they give and give never expecting anything in return. I'm embarrassed to admit we haven't given them anything in return, aside from our love and gratitude. Marie and I have tried to think of gifts we could give them, so we could show our appreciation, but we haven't been able to. They opened their home to us without hardly knowing us, let us stay in the master bedroom, bought most of our food for us, let us use their car whenever we needed it, and treated us like family while we were there. We never felt uncomfortable, and they never over-did anything. We felt like a part of their family. Doug even picked us up from the airport, and dropped us off very early in the morning. They did as much as possible for us, and we were absolutely blow away when they invited us back again for the 2009 Shepherd's Conference! That week was the same treatment. And to make an already amazing week even better, Doug gave me a beautiful calf-skin Bible that I have treasured ever since. It's so nice to get such a beautiful Bible like that as a gift, because every time I open it, I am reminded of the selflessness and generousity that was shown to me and my family in Palmdale, CA, and when I read the words inside, it becomes abundantly clear to me why they are the way they are...

They would be the first people to admit there isn't anything special about them. They are quite simply the result of changed lives and hearts surrendered to an all loving, sufficient, gracious, kind and merciful God that loved them enough to save them from a deceitful and wicked heart, and put His Spirit in them to give them new hearts and new desires.

To my knowledge there was never anything real special about Marie and I that made them feel compelled to serve us in that way. Their hospitality towards us was poured out of hearts that have been transformed by God. It was (and is) truly supernatural, and I'm not sure if they'll ever read this post, but if they do, thank you so much, and I pray God will bless you even more richly than He already has. God used the Downers to make Marie excited about living in Los Angeles. They have always been such a picture of Christ to us, reflecting His Glory. Of course they are human, and they're not perfect, but they are very good examples of what lives surrendered to God and His Word look like, and they are something Marie and I aspire to be.

But, to make an already long story short. That's who I am staying with until we can find a permanent place. I talked to Cindi a couple of days ago, and she assured me that if there is anything they can do to help, to just ask. I really love those guys. Everything is pretty up in the air right now. We don't have a permanent place to stay, our house still isn't finished and ready to show for potential renters, and I leave in 11 days.

I'm still not worried. God IS faithful. We never have to worry about anything as long as we turn our eyes upon Jesus. He has made it clear to myself and Marie where we are supposed to be, so we will move forward and trust Him. He is faithful, and what gives Him the ability to be so faithful in every circumstance regardless of ourselves is His divine infinite power and absolute sovereignty. Which is why I always say with the prophet Habbakuk,

"Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crops fail, and ther fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior, the sovereign LORD is my strength."

The pinhole of light...

Today I dropped a lot of money on flooring at IKEA. The floor was a sweet deal, but still expensive. But, well, we need a floor in the basement. I also picked up some cheap trim for the walls that should work nicely with the white doors down there. We're going to put in a laminate floor, which I'm actually excited about. It's durable, and easy to clean. Scott, my brother in law got done cutting most of the tile in our bathroom and area before the bedroom and family room, and my dad is coming over hopefully on Tuesday to lay all of the tile down with me. After we get the tile down, we can paint the whole basement and then lay the flooring down. It looks like it's going to be finished just in time for me to leave. I will admit, as we've been doing these projects, it's been a lot of fun. It's been exhausting, but also very rewarding. If the Lord would allow it, I look forward to being a home-owner (who lives there) again in the future. I guess I started caring more about the house a little too late.

packy packy

I have 22 days before I drive across the country to begin a journey I've only dreamed about for the past several years, and even as I write this my wife asks me, "is this really the best thing you could be doing with your time?"

As much as she is no stranger to seeing me waste time in the midst of a seemingly insurmountable amount of tasks, I am no stranger to being overwhelmed with various duties that seem impossible to achieve in the time allotted. I can only say this: God is good. He is faithful. Sometimes I have to chuckle when I see the looks on the faces of the people who critique my time/projects ratio. Yes, I need to still work, finish up distance ed courses, pack my entire house, finish my basement, find a suitable renter, rent a place in CA, process out of the Active Duty, get finances in order, complete yard work, fix my house up for renters, and other odds and ends that seem to add up so much... (I spent the entire day yesterday installing a new toilet in my upstairs bathroom... long story)

I can say this with full assurance. I'm not worried. I'm not overwhelmed. A lot needs to be done, but God has done much more with much less (like create a universe from nothing.) As soon as I saw that the Master's Seminary Orientation began August 17th, I turned and said to my wife, "It's going to take a miracle to make that happen." Believe me when I tell you that miracle is taking place before our eyes, and it's nothing short of what God did with Gideon. I am enjoying being a part of it, and am anxiously looking forward to the coming weeks, months, and years.