How Seaworthy is my vessel?

"I gravely question whether some of us will find our vessels, when far out to sea, to be quite so seaworthy as we think them." -Spurgeon

As part of my reading requirement for my ministries course, I am required to read 6 books over the course of the semester, none of which I will be tested on. I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to practice reading quickly, and gave myself 90 minutes to read 50 or so pages. This was a mistake, because this particular section of reading is from "Lectures To My Students" by Charles Spurgeon. The better part of wisdom (no, not my wife) told me to read this intently instead of treating it as an academic exercise, and as a result I have been richly blessed. I've paused several times to consider his admonishments and exhortations, and have tried to read slowly because I don't want to miss any of it.

The quote above is what has caused me to write this because I have often thought about how I will react when true trials come. What I can tell you is I'm not worried about it. In fact, I am as sure that I will be sustained through trials as I am of my salvation simply because the same God that has saved me will sustain me. (Philippians 1:6) The other thing I am assured of is that there will be trials, because the same Word that promises my salvation promises those as well.

Right now, I feel like I'm in some sort of incubator. I have a wonderful family, a wonderful wife that takes care of me, I am part of a church that has been such a blessing to me, and it's pastored by a dear friend who isn't shy about reproving me, but is also very patient with me. Here at TMS I am surrounded by men who pray for me dilligently, and, well, don't even get me started on the Downers, who have not only opened there home to me, but have consistently served me and fed me since I got here more than two weeks ago.

Still, all of these things stand in the shadow of God's sovereign work in my own heart, and in His provision through His people. I have enjoyed such wonderul fellowship with Him, and His Word has been such a joy and comfort to me. I was expecting this to be more difficult, but God has graciously allowed me to be productive, clean, and organized, which, if you know me, is a miracle in and of itself.

All this to say, I don't know when harder trials will come, and I'll also say there are difficult things I am dealing with now in spite of this. Things like the uncertainty of finances and where we will live, having Marie back home finishing up the house with my parents, and not being there to help. Trying to figure out how I will pay for a large mortgage while I'm out here, trying to anticipate logistical things I am neglecting or haven't thought about, (these are things you can be praying for) but in the midst of these things, I am confident that God will provide in every respect, and for that I am eternally grateful. Most of those things are physical, and I wouldn't trade any of them for the sweet fellowship with God I have been enjoying. I wouldn't trade that for any circumstance.

Whom have I heaven but You? And besides you, I desire nothing on earth

Oh Lord, please let this last...

From Pentecost to Wittenburg...

Today was the orientation period for a new class called "Historical Theology," and I was more than intrigued. The class is taught by Nathan Busenitz, and is a survey of Christian history from Pentecost to the pre-Reformation period. What is so interesting to me is how so many people, including myself, claim to love history, love the church, but know little or absolutely nothing about what happened in the church for 1500 years. Oh, sure, I could spout on all day long about Luther, and Calvin, and Swingli. I could tell you about Edwards, and Whitfield, the Puritans, and Spurgeon, all the way up to today. My professor had a much better summary, but the point is this: Even if I had a thorough knowledge of Reformation history, I cannot claim to know much about church history. They are two very seperate things. While I confess that because of the printing press there is far more material available on the reformation period, it would be foolish of me to assume that a knowledge of the reformation can serve as any foundation for a thorough knowledge of church history. On the contrary, the Reformation was built on a thorough and accurate knowledge of church history. Men like Luther, Calvin, and Zwingli did not just come up with their ideas out of thin air, they developed what had been preserved by God through the age of the history of the church, and I don't think it's to bold to suggest that if we were to speak to these men, they would point us back to men they learned from, who I'm sure would point us back further to men they learned from, who I know would point us even further back to where they received their doctrine, and where does that lead us? Simple: To a seemingly insignificant Jewish carpenter who was in fact God in the flesh. His Words were the very essence and nature of Truth Itself, and what were they? (among other things...)

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My Word, and believes in Him who sent me has eternal life."

I believe there is great value in studying church history, and confess I am guilty of making the mistake of thinking that the church age started in Pentecost, and then jumped in a time machine for 1500 years, and popped out again in Germany. I look forward to studying my brothers and sisters before me who, like Luther and Calvin, understood the Words of Jesus that I shared with you above, and who, also like Luther and Calvin, have joined the cloud of witnesses that will praise His name forever.

Drinking water from a fire hydrant...

You'll have to forgive me for not writing more, as you can imagine, my time is limited, and since I don't really read blogs, it's hard for me to write them. But I know that this is the best way to keep people posted on what is going on, so I'll try to be concise.

I arrived in Palmdale Friday night, and spent Saturday relaxing a bit, and finishing a few things up. Sunday I went to church, and Monday was the first day of the orientation. We were all so warmly received, and it was such a blessing to be a part of the seminary. As they spoke of the rigors of study, and how difficult it was going to be, I'm embarrassed to admit I discounted most of it. "Most of my time will be committed to studying," I thought, "I'm sure it will be tough, but I don't think I'll have too much trouble with it."

Then I read some syllabai. The level of acedemics here is far beyond anything I could have imagined. What's also true, is I'm not an acedemic. Perhaps I should have been in some respect, since I enjoy learning, but I'm not. I've taken 40 college credits, 16 of which were correspondence courses, and all were college freshman and sophmore level courses. All of my other credits were from my military training.

On top of that, I know very little about the Bible. We took a Bible Knowledge proficiency exam, and I didn't know 75% of the questions, and they were about significant Biblical events. I know enough to be dangerous, I suppose, and I certainly know the Gospel, but the gift of His Word that I claim to love so dearly... I'm lacking.

But wait, there's more! I'm a scatter brain. I'm unorganized, and can recall (or not recall) hours and hours of time I've spent with no recollection of where that time has gone. I sometimes spend more time developing ways of being organized than, well, being organzied.

Honestly, I could go on and on with reasons why this type of study is not for me, and why I should in every respect not be able to do it, but I know I will. God didn't bring out here to feel overwhelmed, to despair, to think I am somehow destined to fail. My prayer is that when I pass through the waters, and walk through the fire, I will remember not to give myself any credit.

God will give me success where He wants to give me success, and He will allow me to fail where He wants to, but it is for my good and His glory. I may be predisposed or gifted in certain areas, but "what is it that I have received did I not receive from the Lord?"

All this to say, I am far more concerned with what my attitude will be as the Lord brings me through this than I am about whether or not I'll finish. I will work hard, pray hard, do my best, love my wife, worship my God, and hope and pray my heart will not fail, and say with Jars of Clay, "If I stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through, and if I fall, let me fall on the Grace that first brought me to You. "

Lovely Palmdale...

I have arrived. That's about all that I have the energy to say, but I am here, and the Downers have wonderfully accommodated me. I am so thankful for them, and so is Marie. What wonderful examples they are. I video taped much of my journey, so if i have the time and energy, I may put something together, but we'll see. The journey was long, but I very much enjoyed it. I spent the last several hours listening to John Macarthur. One thing the Lord has pressed upon me is His fantastic provision in every area of my life, and that kindness makes me worship Him. I only pray I take advantage of any opportunities the Lord gives me to reciprocate the kindness He shows me to others.

Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength...

God has graciously redeemed me from anxiety, and I am thankful. I have had bouts against it now and then, but for the most part, it has been smooth. Today, I'm in Denver, and it doesn't look like I'll be able to hang out with anyone from here. I'm debating just driving as far as I can, and sleeping the evening in the van, but we'll see. It would be nice to have a few hours of leisure between here and Palmdale. if you're wondering about the quote, it's from Spurgeon.

Here is the update:

I drove over 900 miles yesterday, and will drive another 1000 tomorrow. I very much enjoy driving by myself. I have a lot of time to think, pray, observe, and enjoy the relaxation. I finally received tuition reimbursement today, so I have enough to get a place to stay, or pay my mortgage, whichever is required. One prayer request I have, is that in this period of financial uncertainy, The Lord will make it clear to us where we should be tithing, and how much. There is an abundance of ministries we want to support, Lifegate, Capitol Ministries, Mike and Rebecca, Beacon of Hope... but it's hard to know what we should give when we don't know what we'll be making.

Financially, we're stable for now. I'm still not sure how I'm going to pay tuition for this semester, but I have some options, and the fact that I get it reimbursed at the end makes it easier for me to borrow it from someone. Right now, we have an abundance, and I praise Him for it, and I pray I can be faithful with it, because I'm inclined to believe the abundance is so I can bless someone else. I just don't know who yet. I will be praying about that.

The house is still filled with various items we have collected over the years. My parents are helping us get rid of a lot of it, as well as cleaning up our yard. Also, Kevin and Kelsey have agreed to let Marie live with them for a little while so the house can get cleared and fixed up. I am so thankful to God for them. Once the house gets cleared, we can fix it up and show it to renters. It really is a great house.


here is list of things I have been thankful for:

My parents have been incredible. The task has left Marie and I a bit overwhelmed, and almost paralyzed. My mom and dad have taken over, and have helped us get everything we need. I can't wait until Jude is old enough for me to show him the same love. My brother-in-law has sacrificed his entire summer, as well as a lot of his own resources to help us get the basement finished, and I am very grateful to him for that. Mike Watters came over and mowed my lawn on Monday evening, which was a tremendous help. There are moving to Uganda to minister to orphans that live in the slums. May God bless them, and I pray they receive all the support they need to do His Work. Doug and Cindi Downer have given us a place to stay for as long as we need, which is such a tremendous blessing. Laura Long has given me a room in her house to stay at for free, which is so very generous of her. God has safely brought me to Los Angeles as well. My Grandmother and Grandfather bought me lunch on Tuesday and gave me $100! I am so very thankful for them. Joe Lonetti and Ian Pitkanen came over and helped me pack on Tuesday and saw me off. What incredible young men they are. Especially Ian, who at 17 years old is so sharp, and loves the Lord sincerily. I am so thankful for him and his family that have been attending Beacon of Hope. My pastor, Steve Lonetti, took me out for Pizza Tuesday evening, and we had a wonderful time. I am looking forward to seeing him in March. There are so many other things to be thankful for, but for the sake of brevity, let me just say this: God has been blessing us tremendously, and it has been a privaledge watching Him work around me.

Well, even with the rest, my mind is still a bit scattered. Spiritually, I am doing well. I have been given grace to persue holiness over the next several weeks, which is difficult when I am alone. When I am not surrounded by people, it's harder for me to avoid pitfalls, but, if you read the title of this blog, I am resolved, by the power of the Spirit of God, to be holy as much as I am able. I'm convinced that unless my everyday walk is marked by a passionate pursuit of holiness, I will be useless to God. I don't just mean in what people see, either. I have always been able to put on an excellent front, but I would rather have people detest me falsley than praise me for only what they see. I would rather be holy and usless than acheive any measure of success knowing that my thoughts and attitudes have violated God. If they do, and believe me, they do, I repent, and thank God for the cross. I remind myself that Christ is the supreme example of a man who was despised, rejected, detested, and abandoned by even His closest friends, but still in every way holy. Because of that, I am free. :)

"Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death! Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Romans 7:24,25b

On the Road Again...

15 hours, 1 package of sourpatch kids, a subway sandwich, 2 wendy's cheeseburgers, 1 root beer, 1 Dr. Pepper, and 7 hours of Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (not recommended) later, I've arrived in Denver, and thank the Lord. I can't take any more Douglas Adams. I think it's Johnny Mac's turn for the second leg of the trip. I need to finish up his series on Ephesians. Laura Lee Long, a friend of Marie and I's... I's? Wow, I'm so tired, I think I'm speaking lolcat. has graciously allowed me to stay in an extra room she has here, and I am so very thankful. The Lord is providing wonderfully. Now it's time for bed. Grace and peace to you all...

"The Sword and the Trowel..." (ok, so maybe just the trowel)

So today my dad and I layed the tile floor in our basement. One more step closer to the basement being done. My dad suggested we get Marie and Jude out of our house before I move, and I think that's a good idea. We'll move them into my parent's basement until they are ready to move out to CA. We're still working on how we're going to move our stuff, and we're still not sure exactly what is going to happen withour pets, but God does. I hate to use that so much it almost sounds like an excuse to do nothing, but trust me... I am a busy busy guy. I'm just not panicing. The hard part is trying to remember all the details, and make sure that I have my priorities straight, so I can be sure to accomplish all I can in the time allotted. That has been my prayer.

If Marie is living somewhere else, the house will be empty, and it will be much easier for friends and family to comb through the entire place and get it ready for renters. We're making progress, but it would be nice to have a couple of months to play with, not 8 days, but who's counting? I'm just going to continue to look forward to someday getting settlted. It may or may not be this side of heaven, but I know it will be someday.

"So where you stayin'...?"

I get asked this question frequently, and so I'll use it as an opportunity to talk about one of themost delightful families I've ever had the privilege of being friends with. They have have exemplified Christ to us in such powerful ways that it has compelled Marie and I, especially Marie, (because I always knew I wanted to go to TMS before I met the Downers) to make the move to Los Angeles to attend seminary. They are the most delightful, humble people you would ever meet. And they give and give never expecting anything in return. I'm embarrassed to admit we haven't given them anything in return, aside from our love and gratitude. Marie and I have tried to think of gifts we could give them, so we could show our appreciation, but we haven't been able to. They opened their home to us without hardly knowing us, let us stay in the master bedroom, bought most of our food for us, let us use their car whenever we needed it, and treated us like family while we were there. We never felt uncomfortable, and they never over-did anything. We felt like a part of their family. Doug even picked us up from the airport, and dropped us off very early in the morning. They did as much as possible for us, and we were absolutely blow away when they invited us back again for the 2009 Shepherd's Conference! That week was the same treatment. And to make an already amazing week even better, Doug gave me a beautiful calf-skin Bible that I have treasured ever since. It's so nice to get such a beautiful Bible like that as a gift, because every time I open it, I am reminded of the selflessness and generousity that was shown to me and my family in Palmdale, CA, and when I read the words inside, it becomes abundantly clear to me why they are the way they are...

They would be the first people to admit there isn't anything special about them. They are quite simply the result of changed lives and hearts surrendered to an all loving, sufficient, gracious, kind and merciful God that loved them enough to save them from a deceitful and wicked heart, and put His Spirit in them to give them new hearts and new desires.

To my knowledge there was never anything real special about Marie and I that made them feel compelled to serve us in that way. Their hospitality towards us was poured out of hearts that have been transformed by God. It was (and is) truly supernatural, and I'm not sure if they'll ever read this post, but if they do, thank you so much, and I pray God will bless you even more richly than He already has. God used the Downers to make Marie excited about living in Los Angeles. They have always been such a picture of Christ to us, reflecting His Glory. Of course they are human, and they're not perfect, but they are very good examples of what lives surrendered to God and His Word look like, and they are something Marie and I aspire to be.

But, to make an already long story short. That's who I am staying with until we can find a permanent place. I talked to Cindi a couple of days ago, and she assured me that if there is anything they can do to help, to just ask. I really love those guys. Everything is pretty up in the air right now. We don't have a permanent place to stay, our house still isn't finished and ready to show for potential renters, and I leave in 11 days.

I'm still not worried. God IS faithful. We never have to worry about anything as long as we turn our eyes upon Jesus. He has made it clear to myself and Marie where we are supposed to be, so we will move forward and trust Him. He is faithful, and what gives Him the ability to be so faithful in every circumstance regardless of ourselves is His divine infinite power and absolute sovereignty. Which is why I always say with the prophet Habbakuk,

"Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crops fail, and ther fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen, and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior, the sovereign LORD is my strength."

The pinhole of light...

Today I dropped a lot of money on flooring at IKEA. The floor was a sweet deal, but still expensive. But, well, we need a floor in the basement. I also picked up some cheap trim for the walls that should work nicely with the white doors down there. We're going to put in a laminate floor, which I'm actually excited about. It's durable, and easy to clean. Scott, my brother in law got done cutting most of the tile in our bathroom and area before the bedroom and family room, and my dad is coming over hopefully on Tuesday to lay all of the tile down with me. After we get the tile down, we can paint the whole basement and then lay the flooring down. It looks like it's going to be finished just in time for me to leave. I will admit, as we've been doing these projects, it's been a lot of fun. It's been exhausting, but also very rewarding. If the Lord would allow it, I look forward to being a home-owner (who lives there) again in the future. I guess I started caring more about the house a little too late.

12 more days...

A lot has happened, and a lot is going on, so we'll see how concise I can be. This is difficult for me. Let's see if I can remember everything.

My parents came over and helped us clear out a lot of the garage. The garage now looks somewhat clean, and it's wonderful. We're now working on getting all of the things out of the house and into the garage to be put in storage. There is a large load of trash in there right now that my dad is coming to get this morning. Once that is gone, it will look even cleaner.

The basement has been primed thanks to help from Seth and Laura, and Kevin and Kelsey are coming over today to hopefully help us paint it. Besides paint, trim, doors, flooring, and just about everything in the bathroom... the basement is done.

As far as getting out of the military is concerned, I ran into a few snags. I went to turn in my equipment, and found out I'm missing about $900 worth of gear. I've been hitting ebay up to get what I can, and think I may be able to get most of it for about $300. The most expensive thing I'm missing is my sleeping bag, which costs about $260. I'm hoping I can get one online for about $130. The other things are odds and ends that I either lost, or it got stolen.

This is bad news, especially considering our very tight financial situation, but God is faithful. I looked at our finances yesterday, and discovered that based on the amount of money we have, the amount I know we are for sure getting, and the projected expenses we will have, we have just enough to survive the for the first semester at TMS. I'm not sure if God will only allow us to have this now to trust Him for the next semester, or if He'll give us more for the future, but I am confident that He will survive.

One more note, someone asked me if not being able to rent out the house would keep me from going to seminary, and I said I'm not too worried about it because we could survive a couple of months without renting, and even if we couldn't find someone, we could rent it for a few hundred dollars less than our payment... but that doesn't really answer the question. The truth is, this house will not stop us from completing seminary. We will try to keep it, but if we can't, it's not the end of the world. It's just a house, and though we love it, and we are very thankful for it, we know it's still just house. I'm not sure if the Lord will allow us to keep it, but either way, we are resolved to complete seminary at TMS. Besides, there are other places to live in St. Paul. (hint hint, we are still adamant about moving back!)

So there is our update. It's been an interesting transition shifting from trusting our own resources and abilities to trusting God. The only thing I have observed is that although it seemed at times we were trusting ourselves, it was always God that was providing for us. It may not have been as obvious, but it was still God's provision.

On a spritual note, I haven't had much time to process everything quite yet. I wish all of this trusting God and watching Him work miracles to help us get everything done has led to spiritual bliss, but it hasn't always been the case. What has struck me, though has been the amazing consistency of Christ. Christ's faithfulness has not been contingent on anything. Whether I'm up or down, Christ is consistent. Clearly, Christ is leading me. He is Lord, and I am so thankful for that. As I learn to lean on Him for physical needs, He is teaching me to leanon Him for spiritual needs as well.